So an Uzumaki Delves into a Scroll
by Drindrak
Summary: A 12 year old Naruto learns Edo Tensei, which makes Madara Uchiha not amused, causing Hashirama to be happy, and leaves Tobirama to wonder just what the hell is going on. A series of loosely connected one-shots all wrapped up into one hilarious Crack fic. Lots of OOC.
1. An Uzumaki, an Uchiha, and two Kage

**So an Uzumaki Delves Into a Scroll**

**A/N: Yeah, this is just a crack drabble fic where I can get over writers' block. Again. This idea was utterly random though. :D Enjoy~**

* * *

"Kagebushin no jutsu!" One Uzumaki Naruto yelled out, as a clone popped into existence next to him. He grinned. "Yeah! A clone after only practising for ten minutes!" He stopped cheering. "Now what? Mizuki-sensei said he'd meet me here in two hours 'ttebayo... Hmm, maybe..." Naruto rolled the scroll open more. He scanned over several jutsu titles, before settling on one called "Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei". "Hey, dattebayo! This one sounds cool! How do I do it..." He memorized the handsigns, and practised them over and over for around two hours. At the two hour mark, he did the jutsu for real.

* * *

Unbeknownst to him, Mizuki and the two random ANBU that were waiting in the trees fell to the ground, where they disappeared.

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes as the earth started rumbling in front of him. Three coffins extended from the ground. One had the Uchiha fan on it, another was marked with the kanji for the number one, and the last had the kanji for two on it. Naruto watched, fascinated, as the lids slowly fell off, revealing the three people inside. Naruto blinked at the people, _'Haven't I seen them before?'_ he thought, as he slowly started rolling up the scroll in front of him.

* * *

Uchiha Madara was not amused. Just a second before, he was enjoying his ideal heaven of murdering the Senju clan over and over, and taking over Konoha. Then, he wakes up in a wooden box in front of some snot nosed little brat... A brat that had the Forbidden Scroll open right next to him. He stepped from the box, and noticed the other two people in boxes. _'Well, this could get interesting...'_

* * *

Senju Hashirama, the First Hokage, was happy. He was getting bored of his ideal heaven, which was a simple peaceful life with his wife and children. He needed and craved a challenge. And now, he has one. He awoke in what he assumed was a coffin, just as it's lid fell off, to show a blond teenager with the Forbidden Scroll. He looked over at some movement, and noticed his rival, Madara. _'There's my challenge!'_

* * *

Senju Tobirama was confused. He was laying in a peaceful blank state, when his eyes suddenly popped open. He saw colours for the first time in years, although it was still quite dark in the-box? Yeah, the box he was in. _'Who stuck me in a box?'_ He thought, as, what he assumed was, the lid to the box fell off. He looked out cautiously, to see a weird teenager with whiskers slowly rolling up the Forbidden Scroll. Some movement in the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he turned his head to see his brother and his brother's rival step out of their own boxes. _'Well, this is going to get bad real quick.'_


	2. Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage, sighed wearily as he stared at the five people in front of him.

One of the people was Umino Iruka, a young chuunin academy instructor, who had found Naruto out in the forest near an old abandoned shack, holding the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing in confusion. Sarutobi accepted that response, but it was the presence of the other three that startled him.

Another person was the bright ball of energy Uzumaki Naruto. Naruto had explained that Mizuki- who hadn't been seen since he pounded on Iruka's door earlier- had asked him to steal the scroll, in exchange for Naruto becoming a Genin. Naruto said that Mizuki told him to learn a technique or two from the scroll, which he did. Naruto exclaimed nice and happily that he learned the Kage Bunshin in only ten minutes, surprising everyone, and then moved on to the Edo Tensei.

Which then explains why Sarutobi was staring into the faces of his old instructors, and an old Uchiha. Apparently, Hashirama had changed while he was dead, becoming more and more like Naruto is- extremely happy and annoying as hell. Madara, being ever the pessimistic person, had started a fight, causing the two of them to have what could only be described as a cat-fight. Hair pulling, nail scratching, biting, weak punches, and insults. Tobirama had, after watching them go at it for a few minutes, attempted to break them a part.

...It didn't work. Instead, all Tobirama got out of it was a hand print on his face, a large bruise on his arm, and his clothes were torn. Naruto, after laughing at all of them, had created thousands of clones. At this point, Iruka had arrived, but he could only stare in awe as two previous Hokage and the most powerful Uchiha were taken down by a thousand Narutos.

Which yet again explains why Sarutobi was ready to bash his head into his desk. He sighed again for the umpteenth time, and slumped in his chair. He moved his head to stare at the ceiling, and, with a glare at nothing, he mumbled under his breath,

"...I knew I should have done the sealing instead of Minato... his damn kid is going to be the death of me..."


	3. You're Drunk, Madara

"...You live here?" Madara asked, as Naruto lead him, Hashirama, and Tobirama up to the top floor of a shabby apartment building. Naruto blinked, and turned to him.

"Well, yeah, what's wrong with it?" Madara twitched.

"Aside from the fact that it looks... disgusting, shabby, blegh?" He said, gesturing around with his arm. He specifically glared at what looked like mold growing on the door frame, the poorly drawn Uzumaki clan symbols all around, and the suspicious odd stain that he would have to walk on should he try to get inside- the normal, civilian way. He could always ninja his way in.

"...I don't understand." Naruto said, as Hashirama snickered from behind Madara. Madara growled, and turned to the former Hokage.

"He's worse than your one kid was!" Hashirama gave him a confused look.

"Which kid?" Tobirama stepped in here.

"You know, that one, I think his hair was, like, red or something?" Hashirama just shrugged.

"I'll have you know that I had at least four redheaded kids. And it was all my wife's fault." Madara rolled his eyes, and jumped over the suspicious stain into Naruto's apartment. As soon as he was inside, he immediately turned and stalked back out the door, muttering about empty ramen cups and disgusting parentless teenagers.

"Hey, Madara, where are you going?" Tobirama asked. The Uchiha just flipped him the bird, and continued on his way.

"...I think he's gonna see Old Man Hokage." Naruto said, and the two Hokage nodded. They all entered into his apartment, and decided to wait until Madara returned.

* * *

Madara returned alright. Just, he wasn't exactly sober. "Hey- hic- Hashi-chan!" He shouted through the door of Naruto's apartment, as he pounded mercilessly on it. Hashirama opened the door a few seconds later, and glared.

"Madara Uchiha! It is three in the morning! Where were- Are you drunk! What the hell man, we could've gotten drunk together, why didn't you say anything!" Madara just huffed and pushed past him into the apartment.

"I dun- hic- I mean, I'm not drunk." Hashirama just levelled him with a stare that clearly said he wasn't amused. "I'm serious as cereal!"

"...Right." Madara whirled around to yell at Hashirama, only to fall onto the ground.

"Help- hic- me! I've fallen and I can't get up!" Hashirama couldn't do anything other than sigh.


	4. Sasuke Uchiha and the Drunk Uchiha

Sasuke sighed as he walked home from training. He had fallen asleep in the middle of his daily katas, so now he was walking home at three in the morning. He rounded a corner, and froze. There, standing in front of a bar, was a man that looked exactly like his ancestor, Madara. But it couldn't be, Madara was dead. Even if he was still alive, he'd be over 100 years! Yet here he was, looking no older than twenty. Sasuke shook his head, and continued walking.

"Hey! Hic, You an Uchiha?" The strange Madara look-alike said, as he drunkenly stumbled towards him. Sasuke blinked in confusion. Everyone, and he meant everyone, knew that he was the last living Uchiha, aside from his traitor of a brother. Sasuke decided to humour the man.

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. Let me guess, you're Uchiha Madara?" The man stared at him, and the Sharingan whirled to life in the look-alike's eyes. It spun for a few seconds, causing Sasuke to wonder just who this man was, before it faded, and the man regained his drunken stupor.

"How'd ya- hic- know?" Madara asked, before drunkenly stumbling off in the direction of the Dobe's apartment. Not that Sasuke knew where that idiot lived! Sasuke watched the man for a few more seconds, before shaking his head again.

"No more training 'til I pass out... Far too many weird hallucinations." Like that one he had earlier, when he thought he saw Naruto beat up Madara and the First Hokage using clones. Sasuke sighed once more, and continued his way to the Uchiha Compound.


	5. Tobirama

"NARUTO! Get up, you're going to be late!" Tobirama shouted, pounding on Naruto's bedroom door. Said blond sleepily opened the door, rubbing his eyes.

"I'll be late for what?" Naruto mumbled with a yawn.

"The academy graduation." Naruto blinked, then slammed the door. Rustling was heard for a few seconds, before the, now dressed, blond ran out of the apartment. "Wait..." Tobirama peeked into the room, and noticed Naruto's headband on the ground. He sighed, and picked it up. "HASHIRAMA!" He shouted, and his fellow Hokage's dishevelled head peeked out from around the corner.

"What." Tobirama raised a brow at him.

"What did you and Madara do last night?" It was obvious that Hashirama had a major hangover.

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

"Kay. I'm going to go give Naruto his headband. Keep Madara in check, and meet me at the Hokage building in a half hour." Hashirama waved his hand dismissively.

* * *

Tobirama jumped roof to roof on his way to the Ninja Academy. Once he was there, he scoped out Naruto's chakra. It was heading right to the classroom right above him. "Huh, that was kinda easy." Tobirama jumped up, clung to the wall with his chakra, and walked right up and into the classroom via the window.

"The second Hokage, what?!" That was what most people said, as they pointed to him. Tobirama smiled slightly.

"Yo, I'm just here to give Naruto his headband." He said, just as Naruto walked through the door. The blond's eyes lit up at the sight of him.

"Tobirama-ojii-san! What'cha doing here?" Naruto asked, as he ran closer to him. Tobirama glared.

"Call me aniki or something, just not Ojii-san! I'm not that old you brat!" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Anyways, Tobirama-aniki, what'cha doing here?" Tobirama handed him his headband.

"You forgot this." He looked up at the clock. "I got to go. I'll see you later, Naruto!" He waved at Naruto, and then the class, before hopping out the window, heading towards the Hokage building. The class turned to Naruto.

"You know Tobirama-sama?" One of them asked. Naruto grinned.

"Yeah, aniki, Hashirama-jii-san, and Madara-oji all live with me!" A few people looked ready to faint. Iruka walked in, and smiled.

"Everyone ready for team assignments?"


	6. No PDAing Madara's Descendants, Naruto!

Naruto grinned from his spot next to his not-so-secret crush, Sakura. He had finally passed graduation and became a Genin! Iruka cleared his throat, and everyone stopped talking.

"Good. Now, I'll announce your teams! Team One..." Iruka chattered on, and Naruto tuned him out. Until he heard his own name be called. "Team Seven, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke. Your team is... special, and, by orders of Hokage-sama, you three have three supporting sensei, along with your Jounin sensei." Naruto thought over his team for a second, before jumping out of his seat with a shout. He pointed to the brooding Uchiha sitting on Sakura's other side.

"Iruka-sensei! Why does an elite shinobi like me have to be on Sasuke-teme's team!" Sasuke glared at him. Iruka sighed.

"Naruto, you graduated dead-last. We put you with the two highest scoring students." Naruto pouted, and sat back down. Iruka continued announcing teams, gave a final speech about how happy he was for them to be graduating, and left the room. Naruto huffed angrily, and placed himself right in front of Sasuke. They glared at each other, before one of the students in front of them knocked Naruto towards Sasuke, and, well, they ended up kissing. At that moment, the door slid open, and an amused chuckled rang through the room.

"Now, Naruto-kun, I don't hate you for your sexual orientation, but I'd prefer no PDA's in front of me with my descendants." Naruto and Sasuke quickly separated, sporting blushes, and glared at the highly amused looking Madara Uchiha standing in the doorway.

"SHUT IT MADARA-OJI!" Naruto shouted, before rubbing at his mouth. Sasuke was leaning over the side of the desk, dry heaving. Madara just chuckled again, and walked into the room. After him, Hashirama and Tobirama came in as well. Hashirama was smirking and trying not to laugh, and Tobirama was sighing.

"Team Seven, please come with us. Your Jounin sensei is going to be two hours late anyways." Hashirama said, gesturing for the three to follow them out.

* * *

**A/N: I could have gotten this up sooner, but I lost my USB which had the file on it. However, I found it! So hope you enjoyed~**


	7. SubPlot: Uchiha Itachi and the Letter

**A/N: This is a bit of a sub-plot to the story. Also remember, Itachi doesn't know that Tobi is not Madara. But he will soon.**

Uchiha Itachi was surprised. Zetsu had appeared in his room early that morning, and handed him a note. He had spent several hours after that trying to figure out exactly what his little brother was trying to tell him in it.

_Itachi,_

_ I'll have you know, I still hate you with a passion. But I need some advice. A lot of advice. Now, what would you do if you were walking home from late night training, and saw one of your most powerful ancestors completely and utterly drunk? Well, it happened to me. I was walking home and I saw an extremely drunk Madara Uchiha. I have to stop writing here, as I need to get to the academy. Send me a letter back. Your former home address. _

_ Still hating your guts,_

_ Uchiha Sasuke._

Really, Itachi was confused. For one thing, what good did Tobi have to reveal himself to Sasuke? And what would he be doing in a bar in Konoha? But enough of that right now. Itachi had a letter to write and advice to give. All he had to do now was fine a piece of paper and a pen.


	8. Madara's Guide to Introducing Yourself

"Introduce yourselves." Madara said. All three genin in front of him tilted their heads in confusion. Sakura shyly held up a hand.

"Ano... How are we supposed to do introduce ourselves?" Madara rolled his eyes.

"Likes, dislikes, who you love, who you hate, who you want to have sex with, you know, the usual greetings." Madara chuckled at the blushes on all three genin's faces.

"Alright! Madara's descendant first!" Hashirama said, pointing at Sasuke.

"...I am Uchiha Sasuke. I don't particularly like anything, and I hate a lot of things. I don't love anyone, and I hate my brother." Madara raised a brow.

"You didn't finish." Sasuke blushed and glared.

"...I don't exactly wish to have sexual interactions with a girl." Hashirama smirked, as did Madara.

"So you wish to have some with another boy?" Hashirama asked smugly. Sasuke blushed more.

"NO! NEVER!" Sasuke shouted in denial. Tobirama, who had been standing off to the side in silence, sighed, and decided to end Sasuke's torment for the day.

"Continuing on. Pinkie, it's your turn." Sakura nodded. Sasuke sagged in relief, burying his still red face in his arms.

"I'm Haruno Sakura... I like..." She looked towards Sasuke and blushed. "I dislike loud blondes!" Naruto frowned at that. "I love..." Another look towards Sasuke, coupled with a blush. "I hate Naruto! And Ino!" Sakura shouted, and Naruto pouted at her. "I want to... uh.." She blushed dark red. "...have... uh, sex with... uh... Sas..." And Sakura blushed even more, fainting from all the blood rushing to her head. The two previous Hokage and Madara blinked.

"O...kay. Naruto, you're up." Naruto nodded.

"I am Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen and playing pranks! I dislike... uh... the three minutes you have to wait for your instant ramen to finish! I love..." He blushed, and sneaked a glance at Sakura. "I don't particularly hate anyone." Naruto blushed more. "...and I don't want TO HAVE SEX YET!" He shouted, quite loudly. Tobirama covered the blond's mouth.

"That's good for you, but you don't have to shout it out for everyone to hear." Naruto nodded, and Tobirama removed his hand. A puff of smoke appeared in front of them. A grey haired man raised his hand in a slight wave.

"Yo, sorry I'm late."


	9. SubPlot: Itachi's Response

After their extremely embarrassing introductions, and Kakashi being late, everyone went home. Sasuke was still blushing a little, as he walked through his home's doorway. Before he could close the door, a crow swooped down and slammed into his forehead.

"OW! Damn birds..." The crow huffed, landed on Sasuke's couch, and held out his leg.

"Caw." Sasuke glared at the bird.

"That had better be an important letter you have, otherwise you're dinner." Sasuke mumbled, as he unfolded the piece of paper he took from the crow. "Oh, that bastard responded."

* * *

_Dear Otouto,_

_This is Itachi. I was surprised you had messaged me. I don't exactly know what I would do if I was in your position. I suppose I would ask if he really was who he said he you had already done that and it turns out he is who he says he is... well, I don't know. Figure it out yourself._

_Itachi_

_PS. Ask Madara why he is there in the first place, and send me his response in another message. Also, poke yourself on the forehead for me._

* * *

"Tch. I messaged him to get help, but all he does is tell me to figure it out myself. Bastard... where's a pen..." Sasuke muttered to himself for a few more seconds, penning out half of his response, before straightening. "Where is Madara, anyways?"

* * *

**Half way across Konoha...**

"You see Naruto, that man there and that _entertainer_ there-" Madara said, pointing at two people in the adjacent alley from their spot on the roof. "-are about to preform sex. Now, watch closely." Madara smirked, his arm around Naruto so to prevent the pre-teen from running.

"Madara-oji, why am I... OH GOD! WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS!" Naruto screamed, covered his eyes, and fell off the roof.

"Oh come on, Naruto. It's not that bad. It's all natural. Someday you will be doing that."

"NEVER!"


	10. Kakashi's Slightly Scared of Sasuke

Kakashi looked over his Genin team, as they sat in Ichiraku's ramen bar, after catching a cat for their first ever mission. He hadn't had any need to go through the bell test, as the Hokage told him that, no matter what, his team was passing. They had to pass, the Hokage told him, otherwise Madara and Hashirama would become rivals yet again, and destroy another valley, thus creating another Valley of End.

Speaking of the two old geezers, Kakashi had decided that he absolutely despises Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama. Tobirama was okay in his eyes, but the other two were demon spawn.

What had the two done?

Well, on their cat catching mission, they had somehow managed to convince Sasuke that the cat was Itachi in disguise. And, by the gods above, Kakashi had never seen so much carnage come from a twelve year old. It scared him slighty.

* * *

And now they were all celebrating, Hashirama and Madara smirking, Tobirama shaking his head and sighing, Naruto wolfing ramen down, Sakura cooing at the replacement cat they had to buy for the client, and Sasuke sitting smugly, eating a plate of tomatos.

Kakashi sat a little ways away from the group, in the case that he had to make a quick get away. He shivered in remembrance of the look on Sasuke's face as he pretty much slaughtered everything in sight to get to the cat.

Kakashi stood, and left the ramen bar silently. He was not ready to teach a Genin team yet. "...I wonder if the Hokage will allow me to resign from Jounin and return to ANBU..." He wondered out loud to himself, as he sped towards the Hokage's tower. _'Please, dear god please, let him say yes!'_


	11. Kakashi's a Bigger Pervert Than Madara?

"No." With that one word, Kakashi wilted, falling to the floor. He moaned and groaned and writhed on the floor, before whispering,

"Why not?" Hiruzen glared at the man laying pitifully on his floor.

"Because I said so, and you have to listen to me, since I am the Hokage." Kakashi glared right back.

"At least get Hashirama and Madara off my team!" Hiruzen raised a brow.

"What about Tobirama?" Kakashi sighed, and lifted himself off the floor.

"He's fine. He's actually better than fine." Kakashi's lone eye filled with hope. "I know! You can make him the sensei of the team! Then I can go back into AN-"

_**"NO." **_Kakashi crossed his arms and started brooding.

"Why not!"

"Do you honestly believe I would allow a dead man, who is under _**Naruto's**_ control lead a Genin team?"

"But he's much more sane than Hashirama and he's not as perverted as Madara!" Hiruzen glared harsher at him.

_**"I said NO." **_Kakashi pouted, not that Hiruzen could see under the silver haired man's mask.

"Fine." He turned and started to leave the room.

"And you better go to team training tomorrow." Kakashi slammed the door behind him, for once using it instead of the window.

* * *

As he walked (more like sulked) down the road to his apartment, Kakashi had a fleeting thought. _'Maybe I can go rogue?'_ He thought a bit on it, before realizing that the Hokage would send those two demon spawn and his supposed Genin team after him. Tobirama would, of course, just tag along to make sure Kakashi survives in one piece... _'Or would the Hokage ban Tobirama-sama from going on the mission and simply send those hell spawns?'_ Kakashi shuddered, and quickly unlocked his apartment. _'Better not chance it...'_

He lay in bed later that night, and wondered to himself, _'How late can I be for "team training"...'_ He fell asleep soon afterwards, never noticing the shadows creeping around his apartment.

* * *

Madara smirked, and Hashirama and Naruto grinned. Tobirama, who had come along to figure out exactly what the three were up to, sighed.

"He's going to kill you guys, you know that?" Tobirama looked up to the mountain. "Hiruzen will too."

* * *

When Kakashi woke the next morning, he couldn't find his Icha Icha. Oh well, he'll just have to buy another copy later. He walked outside, out onto the road, before having the oddest urge to look at the Hokage Monument. He turned to it, and almost shrieked in rage. There, splattered across half the Hokage Monument, was the pages of his Icha Icha Paradise. There was nothing on the first two Hokage, but the pages covered his sensei's face and the Third's. And, written on Minato's forehead, were the words,

_"KAKASHI-SENSEI IS A STINKY PERVERT!"_ And, under that in elegant script, which he placed as Uchiha from earlier encounters of Uchiha handwriting,

_"IGNORE NARUTO, HE SUCKS AT INSULTS"_ And, to make matters worse, next to the Uchiha script was,

_"HATAKE KAKASHI IS A BIGGER PERVERT THAN MADARA!"_ Kakashi could just make out that someone had tried over and over to cross out Madara's name. Kakashi glared venomously at the words, and dashed towards the training grounds. Those hell spawns were going to pay.


	12. Of Lightning Blades and Susano'o

"Now Naruto-kun, I'm sure your sensei is not going to kill us." Madara said, patting Naruto on the head. Naruto huffed and crossed his arms. Hashirama had turned to say something, when Kakashi came barrelling out of the trees. Hashirama looked towards the livid man, before sighing.

"Famous last words, Madara." Madara rolled his eyes.

"What's he going to do to me? I have the bloody Sharingan." Kakashi lifted his headband from his covered eye, and started making hand signs. "Now, that right there is cheating. Let me return the favour." Madara stated, activating his Sharingan. The sound of crackling lightning and, oddly, thousands of birds, filled the air. The three men and one Genin took a look at Kakashi's hand, which was covered in lightning.

"...Naruto, perhaps we should sit this fight out." Tobirama said, ushering the frightened blond off the battlefield. As soon as they were off the field, Kakashi sped towards the two remaining men, disappearing from view a few feet from their faces.

"**LIGHTNING BLADE!**" A hand appeared through Madara's chest, making said Uchiha sigh.

"Seriously? Was that supposed to kill me?" Kakashi glared, and pulled his hand out.

"...yes." Hashirama coughed, covering up his laugh. He had decided to sit off to the side, and let Madara battle it out with the Copy-Nin. Kakashi turned his glare to Hashirama, and jumped back from the, now smirking sadistically, Madara.

"That sad excuse of a move was supposed to be an assassination technique!" He chuckled, and started pouring chakra to his eyes. "I'll show you an assassination technique!" His Sharingan morphed into his Eternal Mangekyou. His chakra started forming a blue rib cage around his entire body. "**Susano'o!**" The rib cage around him started to become more humanoid looking. Kakashi stared and stepped back further. Hashirama cursed.

"Goddammit Madara! Knock it off! That's going to far! " Hashirama made a single hand seal. "**Wood Style! Wood Dragon Jutsu!**" A dragon made of wood appeared, and circled around Madara. It latched onto Madara, and tightened around him to hold him in place.

"Hashirama! Let me go! I will teach this fool about disrespecting an Uchiha!" Madara glared and tried to remove himself from Hashirama's dragon.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" Madara stopped struggling, and turned to see who had interrupted him. His Susano'o slowly died and he smirked. Hiruzen stood at the edge of the training grounds they were in, a very angry look on his face.

"Nothing is going on. Nothing at all..." He gave Kakashi an 'Once I'm out of this dragon I'm gonna kill you, resurrect you, then kill you again' look. Kakashi jumped, and ran to the Hokage.

"Hokage-sama! Save me! Please, for the love of god, let me off this team!" Kakashi hid behind the now sighing Hiruzen. Hiruzen looked around.

"...where's Tobirama-sensei and Naruto-kun?"

* * *

"...and then I was like, POW BITCH! Eat my shadow clones! And Madara-jii was screaming like a girl, but I think that was really because Hashirama-ojii was shouting in his ear to run, and that Hashirama-ojii was pulling on his, and I quote, 'thick luscious locks of beautiful hair'." Naruto blabbed on about his graduation test to Teuchi, who was nodding and listening raptly to Naruto's story. Naruto and Tobirama had decided to blow off training, and sat in Ichiraku's ramen stand for breakfast. Tobirama just took another bite of his ramen and smiled slightly.

"It's true, Teuchi-san. I was there." Teuchi shook his head.

"I still can't believe Naruto had stolen the forbidden scroll, learned two whole techniques from it, summoned three very powerful ninja, and then proceeded to beat the hell out of two of them." The ramen maker grinned. "Ayame! Another bowl for Tobirama-sama, and four more for Naruto!"


	13. Staring at Hokages for C Rank Missions

Kakashi stared at Hiruzen.

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, who were standing behind Kakashi, stared at Hiruzen.

Hiruzen stared back.

Kakashi eye-smiled, and stared more.

Hiruzen twitched and glared. "FINE!" He shouted, and started looking through the scrolls on his desk. Kakashi grinned under his mask.

"You mean it?" The Jounin asked. Hiruzen sighed, and handed Kakashi a blue scroll.

"Yes Kakashi. Your team can have a C-Rank mission. And you can leave one of your so-called demon spawns in the village. However, I get to choose who, and Tobirama stays behind as well." Hiruzen turned to the door. "SEND IN TAZUNA!" He shouted, before turning back to the ninja before him. Kakashi groaned.

"But you're going to choose Madara to come with!" Hiruzen grinned a sinister grin.

"You know, I was going to suggest that Madara stay here, but since you want him to go along, Hashirama will remain behind." Kakashi whimpered slightly.

"B-But Madara wants to kill me! You can't leave me alone with him!"

"Hey! Madara-oji is awesome! Why would he want to kill you pervert-sensei?" Naruto asked (more like shouted). Kakashi glared at the blond, and didn't respond. Hiruzen chuckled.

"Naruto-kun, Kakashi insulted the Uchiha clan." Sasuke, who was not really paying attention, glared at Kakashi.

"You insulted my clan?!" Hiruzen smirked, and Kakashi shivered.

"You know, Sasuke-kun, I remember Kakashi saying that he knew where Itachi was. He told me he wasn't going to tell you anything." Sasuke froze. After a few seconds, his glare was harsh enough to melt people.

"I'm really starting to hate you, Hokage-sama. Really." Kakashi hissed. Sasuke took an intimidating step towards Kakashi.

"First you insult my clan... and now you refuse to give me vital information on Itachi?! I'll kill you!" Kakashi glared at Hiruzen, and shushined behind him. He raised a kunai, ready to impale the chuckling Hokage. A cough sounded from the doorway. A drunk looking old man stood there, a bottle of sake in his hands. The man looked at Hiruzen.

"...are you sure these people can protect me and my bridge?" Hiruzen sighed, and reluctantly nodded.

"I'm pretty sure, Tazuna-san. But don't worry too much about it. You will have Uchiha Madara joining you on this mission." Tazuna blinked.

"I thought Uchiha Madara was dead?"

"I thought I was too. Huh, too bad fate favours the Uchiha." Madara's voice echoed through the room. Said Uchiha was sitting on the window sill, smirking at Kakashi. "And Hatake-san, I haven't forgotten that you insulted my clan."


	14. Naruto's a Idiot, and Madara's Sarcastic

It was official. Kakashi was going to die on this mission. And it was most likely going to be Madara's fault.

Said Uchiha had not stopped smirking and glaring at him for the entire twenty minutes they had been walking for. It did not help that Madara was whispering to Sasuke about something, and Sasuke was slowly getting a more and more venomous glare on his face. Every now and then, Sasuke would glare at him, before muttering about weasels and Kakashi's apparent non-existent teaching skills.

* * *

They had been walking for three hours already. And Kakashi was getting jumpy at the fact that neither Madara or Sasuke had attempted to murder him yet. Kakashi could feel his hand slowly but surely inching towards his kunai pouch. He gave the two Uchiha one more look over. It was then that he noticed Madara had activated his Sharingan, and was smirking a bit too evilly. Sasuke was sneering and glaring at Kakashi.

* * *

Kakashi felt himself shiver in anticipation. And a bit in fear. He was about to purposely start the battle between the three of them, even though he knew it was suicide. Oh how he hoped someone would just break the tense silence between them...

And then, as though she was Godsend, Sakura just had to ask,

"Kakashi-sensei, do they have shinobi in Wave Country?" Kakashi felt like crying tears of joy. But he was a well-respected Jounin, he would settle for a small, barely noticeable tear to run down his cheek. He turned to her with a slight smile.

"No, Sakura, Wave Country has no shinobi. If they need shinobi help, they could just ask one of the nearby Hidden Villages' Kage for help." Kakashi noted that Naruto scrunched his face up in confusion.

"Wait, wait, wait! There are **_Kage?_ ** I thought there was just the Hokage, dattebayo!" Kakashi felt like smacking the living hell out of the instructors at the Academy and Naruto. What the hell did he learn in that god-forsaken place?! Kakashi rubbed his temples.

"Naruto, there are five Kage. The Hokage, the Tsuchikage, the Mizukage, the Raikage, and the Kazekage. They each run one of the major hidden villages." He vaguely noticed that Madara had tuned into the conversation. Naruto nodded, and bounded ahead. Madara smirked again, and stared out into the distance. Kakashi followed his line of view, and spotted a puddle. He heard, **_heard!,_ **Madara roll his eyes.

"Oh yes, because a puddle in the middle of the road during dry season is so not noticeable." Madara growled out, a slight sarcastic edge to his voice. "Dumbass amateurs."


	15. Large Words, Demon Brothers, and Poker

Kakashi's eye twitched, as he recalled the events of the last few seconds.

* * *

The so-called Demon Brothers appeared out of the puddle on the road. They had targeted him, and had their chain wrapped around him, until one of them just happened to look in Madara's direction.

"HOLY FU-" The one started to shout. Madara was up in his face a second later, smirk in place. The Uchiha's hand clamped around the man's throat.

"Now, now, there is no need for such vulgar language in front of children." The man whimpered and struggled.

"WAIT, WAIT! What does vulgar mean?!" Naruto shouted, confused. Madara turned to the blond, and sighed.

"...sometimes I forget that you're_ **that **_stupid." He shook his head. "You see Naruto-kun, vulgar is another word for bad. That is simple enough words for you to understand, right?" Naruto glared at the comment lodged at his intelligence, before nodding. The man in Madara's hold whimpered once again, and Madara returned his attention to him. "Oh, I forgot about you for a second." Madara smirked sadistically. "You want to experience something trippy?" Kakashi snorted at Madara. What kind of self-respecting shinobi said 'trippy'?

"Can you hurry up Madara-ojii? I'm getting BORED!" Naruto shouted again, before taking out a deck of cards and inviting Sasuke and Sakura to a poker game. Madara rolled his eyes.

"Fine. **Mangekyou Sharingan!**"

* * *

And that's what happened. Currently, Madara still had one of the Demon Brother's in his hold and locked in his Genjutsu. Kakashi had honestly not given a single damn about the other brother, so when said brother ran off, he didn't give chase. Two sets of thuds came from behind him. He turned to see the one person he had begged to come on this mission, and his annoying brother.

"OI! We're not late for the party, right?" Hashirama asked, taking a few steps towards Madara. Tobirama sighed, and walked up to Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, who were still playing their game of poker.

"You three are not injured, right?" Tobirama asked them. The three of them looked up from their cards, and shook their heads.

"Hey, Tobirama-sama, wanna join?" Sakura asked, holding up two cards to him. The previous Hokage seemed to contemplate the offer, before accepting. It was the exact moment he sat down that Madara released his Genjutsu and hold upon the Demon Brother. The old Uchiha blinked, and looked around.

"Ah, when did you two get here?" He asked, looking pointedly at Hashirama.

"They just arrived." Kakashi said. Madara nodded.

"I see. You are here to join the mission, yes?" Tobirama smiled and laid down his cards in front of the Genin.

"Royal Flush, amateurs." The three Genin groaned and forked over all the ryo in their pockets. Tobirama smirked, and looked up at Madara. "Actually, Madara, we were sent to see if you and-slash-or Sasuke had brutally murdered Kakashi yet. However, we were also told to join the mission if any of the Genin involved were compromi-"

"Oh stop with your large words!" Hashirama shouted, interrupting his brother. "We are joining this mission no matter what that old monkey has to say!" Kakashi smiled. Maybe he wouldn't be brutally murdered on this mission. "...and I would like to see exactly how you'll manage to off Kakashi!" Kakashi wilted.

On second thought, he might want to see if he can simply survive until they reached the village once again. In four weeks. Kakashi groaned. _'The Hokage better allow me to transfer back into ANBU or for the love of any gods watching I can't guarantee the safety of the two old coots or the blasted "last" Uchiha!'_


	16. The Cow Print Parachute Pants Ninja

Everyone stared, rather amused, at a pouting Madara Uchiha sitting, quite pathetically, inside a sphere of water created by one Zabuza Momochi. Kakashi smirked. All he had to do now was wait until the old coot died of oxygen loss...

Now, how did Madara get trapped in said sphere of water in the first place? Well, it went like this...

* * *

Fifteen minutes earlier, after leaving the comatose Demon Brother to the animals, they were in a rowboat. Well, Team 7 was in a rowboat. Hashirama, Tobirama, and Madara all decided to walk beside the boat, causing the three Genin to stare in awe at them.

"Ne, ne, Madara-ojii! Can you teach me to do that!" Naruto shouted, completely ignoring the shush that came from the rower. Madara chuckled, and patted Naruto on the head.

"Sorry Naruto-kun. You need to complete the Tree Walking exercise first." Sakura peered up at Madara.

"Tree walking?" She asked. Naruto tilted his head in confusion.

"Yeah, yeah! Madara-ojii what'cha mean by that!" They never got a response, as they had reached land. Team 7 was left to clamber out of the boat as the three resurrected men walked on.

* * *

After walking for a few more minutes, Naruto suddenly flung a kunai into a bush. Tobirama nodded proudly at him, even though the only thing that came from the bush was a white rabbit. Sakura whacked Naruto on the back of his head.

"YOU IDIOT! Why the hell did you throw that kunai for! You scared that poor rabbit!" Naruto gasped, and rushed to the rabbit, petting and hugging it to calm it down. Hashirama narrowed his eyes.

"...white..." He muttered, looking around for any threats. Madara smirked, and looked up into a tree.

"Now, this one's not so much of an amateur!" He made a few hand seals in quick succession. "**Fire Style! Dragon Flame Jutsu!**" A large fire dragon flew from his mouth to the tree. A swish was heard, before Madara disappeared. Reappearing a few seconds later on a small river a few feet away. "Got you!" He said, Sharingan whirling to life in his eyes. His eyes widened fractionally. "No you're not the real-" Water rushed up from below and enclosed him.

"**Water Style, Water Prison Jutsu.**" Madara pouted. He glared at a laughing Hashirama.

"SHUT UP HASHIRAMA!" He shouted, but that just made the First Hokage laugh harder.

"Y-You-" Laugh. "-got caught by-" More laughing. "-a man in cow-print parachute pants!" He laughed more, causing two of the three Genin behind him to snicker. Kakashi coughed.

"That's Zabuza Momochi. A-Rank missing Mist nin." Hashirama smirked.

"Still, he's wearing _**parachute**_**_ pants_.** Cow-print ones! How un-ninja like is that!" Madara glared, and did a few hand seals.

"I'LL KILL YOU! **Fire Style! Fireball Jutsu!**" The rather large stream of fire that spewed out of his mouth didn't even leave the ball of water he was in. "OW! OW! HOLY HELL THAT'S HOT!" He shouted, as the water bubbled and boiled from his fireball. Everyone watched, both amused and horror-stricken, as his skin seemed to peel and heal all over again. An uncomfortable silence settled on them all. It was Hashirama who broke it, by laughing once more.

"Come on Madara! Even I know you can't break out of a Water Prison by _**Fireball! **_Geez sometimes you're stupider than Naruto-kun!"

"HEY!" Came the shout from both Naruto and Madara. Kakashi sighed, as did Tobirama, while Madara just glared and pouted.


	17. Interruption of Madara's Kill

Madara huffed, and crossed his arms. There was only one way out of this **Water Prison**. His Sharingan whirled, slowly shifting into his Mangekyo.

"**Susa-**" He started, but was interrupted by Naruto.

"Don't worry Madara-ojii! I'll save you!" He made a cross hand seal. "**Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!**" Madara rolled his eyes as every clone was quickly beat down by Zabuza's two **Water Clones.** Naruto scrunched up his face, before slowly backing away, to his team. "On second thought! You're on your own Madara-ojii!" Madara glared.

"**Susan-**" He began again, but was interrupted by Sasuke, who through a few shuriken at Zabuza. Said shuriken were quickly deflected though. "**Susano-**" Hashirama interrupted him this time.

"Guys, stop interrupting Madara. He has something he's trying to-"

"**SUSANO'O!**" Madara shouted angrily. His chakra formed into a large humanoid shape, successfully getting him out of the **Water Prison.** Zabuza jumped back, just as Madara's **Susano'o** threw a hand down onto the place he last was. "That's it! I'm killing you three!" He shouted, sending fireballs out at Zabuza, the trees surrounding them, and Kakashi.

"Hey, hey! Why are you trying to kill me!" Kakashi shouted, dodging the fireball. Madara glared.

"You insulted the Uchiha clan. While I may not like them much, I am still an Uchiha." With that, he returned to his battle with Zabuza.

* * *

It took Madara four whole minutes to get Zabuza into a position of vulnerability. "You're finished!" Madara dropped his **Susano'o,** and raised a kunai up above an exhausted Zabuza's heart. Just as he was about to plunge it down, a set of needles punctured the missing-nin's neck. Madara pouted, and stood straight. "Dammit, someone stole my kill." A kid dressed like a hunter-nin dropped down next to the 'dead' Zabuza.

"Thank you for weakening him." Madara scrutinized the kid with his Sharingan.

"Hey, kid. Are you a girl or a boy?" Madara asked. The kid tilted his head.

"I am a boy. Are you really Madara Uchiha?" Madara smirked.

"Damn straight I am." The kid nodded, and disappeared. Madara frowned. "Hey, that was my kill!" He sighed. "Looks like I'll just have to settle for murdering Kakashi." He said, stepping off the water he was still on. He took one step before face-planting into the ground. He groaned.

"Oi Madara, you need help?" Hashirama asked, lifting Madara up from the ground. He supported him with one arm.

"Ah. I think I used a bit too much chakra." Madara said, causing Tobirama to frown.

"You shouldn't be able to have chakra exhaustion. We were resurrected through my Edo Tensei technique. We should technically be unstoppable, with no limitations, unable to die or lose chakra." Tobirama's frown deepened. "Then again, we shouldn't be able to feel pain either, yet you felt the **Water Prison**'s water boiling you alive... Something strange is happening..."


	18. If You Don't Get Enough Hugs, Madara!

Kakashi raised a brow. "Wait, the Great Uchiha Madara has chakra exhaustion?" Madara rolled his eyes.

"You do realize that in the past week alone I've used **Susano'o **at least three times, used my Mangekyou more, used several high powered, chakra draining jutsu, and still had time to kick your ass with Taijutsu? I may be Uchiha Madara, but not even the Sage of the Six Paths was immune to chakra exhaustion." He said, before trying to pull Naruto off of him. Naruto had, at some point during the rant, attached himself to the Uchiha.

"Madara-ojii, please don't die! I don't want you to die!" He cried out, and Madara shifted awkwardly. Hashirama snickered, while Tobirama tried to remove Naruto from Madara.

"Naruto-kun, Madara is going to be fine. All he needs to do is rest." Tobirama said. "...that means you need to let go, Naruto-kun." Naruto pouted, and latched onto Tobirama.

"Only if you carry me, Tobirama-aniki."

"Naruto, stop being a lazy ass." Sakura said, pulling Naruto off of Tobirama by the back of his jumper. Once Naruto was placed on the ground, the group started walking again.

"But Sakura-chan!" He shouted, looking to Sasuke for support.

"Loser. Hn." Sasuke grunted, walking beside the client. Naruto glared.

"BASTARD!" Madara sighed, and leaned more onto Hashirama. The wood user turned to him. Madara glared at Naruto from the corner of his eyes.

"Hashirama, I am going to kill that kid someday." Hashirama frowned.

"If you do that, the jutsu would reverse, wouldn't it?"

"No." Tobirama said, coming up to walk beside them. "However, this Edo Tensei is a bit different than what was supposed to happen. We can suffer damage, yet not die, and we can get chakra exhaustion. It is possible that killing Naruto will reverse the jutsu." Tobirama turned to the orange wearing Genin, just in time to see Kakashi whispering in the blond's ear. With each word, the blond's eyes would widen and dart to Madara. "Madara, brace yourself." The Uchiha blinked, and frowned.

"For wha-" Before he could finish his sentence, Naruto had tackled him off of Hashirama, and onto the ground.

"MADARA-OJII! Please don't die! Kaka-sensei says that you'll die if you don't get enough hugs! And I don't want you to die! Again!" Naruto cried into Madara's shirt. The Uchiha turned a glare onto Kakashi. He patted Naruto's back comfortingly, as he plotted Kakashi's imminent demise. _'I'll get you Hatake. One of these days!'_


	19. Tazuna's Grandson, Hashirama's Slip-up

Madara glared, and tried to get Naruto off of him. The blond was still crying on him, and had been doing so for the past ten minutes. Hashirama, seeing Madara's slowly rotating Sharingan, pulled Naruto off of Madara.

"Naruto-kun, please, stop harassing Madara. He has gotten plenty of hugs in his life, enough to keep him living. If it makes you feel any better, you may hug him once a day. **_Once._**" He stressed the once. Naruto nodded.

"Alright Hashirama-jii. Only once!" He grinned slightly, and walked back to Sakura and Sasuke. Kakashi, who was standing (and definitely not hiding!) behind Tobirama, sighed. He thought his torture tactic would have worked better than that. He was brought out of his musing by Tobirama saying,

"Madara, put that kunai away. No murdering Kakashi. He is team leader, remember? If you kill him, we'll have to return to Konoha, and you won't be able to kill that guy in the parachute pants." Kakashi sighed again.

"That guy's name is Zabuza."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Tobirama muttered, before glaring at Madara, who still hadn't put his kunai away. "Madara, what did I say?" Madara huffed.

"Yes _**mom.**" _He mumbled sarcastically, hiding his kunai into the folds of his clothing. And with that, they continued on their way to Tazuna's house.

* * *

Sadly, though, Tazuna had a rather angry and depressed grandson. So, when the group wandered into Tazuna's house, said angry and depressed grandson took it upon himself to act like a much more asshole-ish Sasuke and insult the group.

"Who do you all think you are! You're go-" Before the kid could continue, Madara intervened.

"I do believe that I am Uchiha Madara. Who the hell are you?" Hashirama smacked him on the shoulder.

"Madara! You do not talk to children that way!" Madara glared.

"Hey, that's how I raised my kids!" Hashirama glared back.

"And look at how your clan turned out!" He pointed to Sasuke. "They all became so obsessed with power and revenge that they planned a coup and one of them killed all of them and left one emo and asshole-ish kid alive!" Sasuke blinked, confused. He then said,

"Wait, what was that?"


	20. Testing Gambling Skills via Strip Poker

**A/N: I'd like to thank Lanaught for giving me an idea for Madara's comebacks. :D**

**I've also forgotten a Disclaimer on the previous chapters. I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

"Not right now, Sasuke-kun." Madara said, before taking an intimidating step closer to Hashirama. "At least I didn't raise my grandchildren to be drunken gamblers!" Hashirama growled.

"That was just Tsunade-chan and you know that!"

"Sure it was, and what about your other grandchild, Nawaki was it?" Hashirama flushed and looked away.

"That was a fluke. Tsunade-chan taught him to gamble."

"And you taught him to drink. What was he, twelve?" Hashirama scoffed.

"Old enough to kill, old enough to drink." Madara nodded.

"I can see the logic in that." It was then that Sasuke decided to ask, once more,

"What was that about my clan?" Hashirama and Madara glanced at each other, before Madara sighed and turned to the boy.

"It was nothing, Sasuke-kun. It happened a while ago." Sasuke blinked, confused.

"The clan was massacred twice?" Madara turned to Hashirama, and got a shrug in response.

"Of course. A **_long _**time ago." Sasuke nodded, and began a conversation with Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami, about lunch. Hashirama sighed in relief.

"That was close." Madara glared.

"If you hadn't brought that up, I wouldn't have had to have lied about it!" Madara rubbed his temples. "If you suck that much at lying even after having years to refine it, I wonder how bad you've gotten at gambling." He muttered, turning to sit at the table. Hashirama glared back at him, before sitting opposite of him.

"You want to test that?" Madara smirked.

"Yes." While the two glared at each other, Kakashi leaned down and whispered a few words to Naruto. The blond perked up, got out his deck of cards, and shouted,

"STRIP POKER!"

* * *

The game of Strip Poker did not end how anyone wanted it to. Everyone who played, which was everyone but Sakura, Tazuna's grandson, and Tsunami, was stripped down to their last sources of dignity. Hashirama was down to his undergarments, as was Kakashi, Madara only had his pants and shoes left, Sasuke was down to his forehead protector, Tazuna had passed out half way through unbuttoning his shirt, and Tobirama had only lost his kunai holster so far.

Naruto, however, was still fully clothed. And winning. By a long shot. Said whiskered blond frowned.

"This game is boring. All of my cards are these funny ones with the A's on them." To prove his point, Naruto laid his cards flat out. Two Aces were in his hand, and two aces were on the river. Everyone groaned, and folded.

"I say we kick Naruto. He's won _**every single hand. **_It's not fair!" Hashirama said, leaning back in his chair. Madara stood up, and stretched a little.

"I'm off to bed, gents. It is midnight." Everyone glanced at the clock. Madara was right, it was midnight. Tobirama stood, and ushered the two preteens towards the giant pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

"Everyone, get redressed and get to sleep. We all will be training in the morning."


	21. Not Quite What He Had in Mind

Tobirama smacked his forehead. When had stated that they would train earlier that morning, he do not mean **_this._**

* * *

Madara and Hashirama were trying to teach the three Genin about Anatomy. This would have been a good thing, had Madara not tried to use Kakashi as a cutting board. Everytime Madara or Hashirama would tell the three about what spot was fatal to hit, Madara tried to hit Kakashi in that spot as well. Tobirama sighed, and, for the hundredth time, stopped Madara from stabbing Kakashi in the kidneys. He ripped the kunai from the Uchiha's hands, and glared slightly.

"Madara, stop it already. You're teaching the kids all about mutiny to their superiors." Madara raised a brow, and snatched his kunai back.

"And how is that a bad thing?" Tobirama glared more.

"One child has the Sharingan, another is a Jinchuriki, and the last has almost perfect chakra control. Do the math." Madara glared back.

"I was terrible at math, and you know it. It was one of the many reasons I refused to do the Uchiha paperwork." Tobirama sighed, and turned away.

"Stop preaching disobedience." He said, before turning to the wide-eyed Genin. "Any of you kids want to learn the Tree Climbing exercise?" Naruto cheered loudly, as did Sakura, while Sasuke smirked. Naruto wrapped his arms around Tobirama.

"Yahoo! Can we learn it now, Tobirama-aniki? Huh? Huh? Can we!" Tobirama smiled softly, and patted the blond on the head.

"Sure. First, channel your chakra to your feet." The Genin nodded, determined, and made a single hand seal. "Alright, after that, just try to climb a tree using only your feet and chakra." He then demonstrated how to do it. "Got it?" Naruto grinned, and dashed up the closest tree. He made it one metre or so off the ground, before plummeting back down. Sasuke smirked, and tried it himself. He made it just over two metres before being launched back. Sakura watched her two teammates, before trying to walk up the tree. She succeeded in making all the way to the top on her first try.

"I did it!" She shouted happily, causing everyone to look up. Naruto grinned and waved at her.

"Good going, Sakura-chan!" Sasuke frowned, and tried to analyze what she did.

"Yeah..." He muttered, before attempting to walk up the tree. Naruto, seeing that Sasuke was now slowly progressing farther, copied the Uchiha. Tobirama stood off to the side. He looked up at Sakura.

"Pinkie, continue to walk up and down the tree. It will help build your chakra." He turned to the boys. "If you master this exercise by tomorrow, I'll teach you to Water Walk." He smirked when the boys started working harder. A body ramming into him and holding him as a human shield made him sigh. Madara and Hashirama came from the bushes.

"Aw, he's hiding behind my brother. Dammit Madara, if only you were more accurate with your kunai." Madara glared at Hashirama.

"It's not my fault! You tripped me!" Tobirama rubbed the bridge of his nose in exasperation. This mission was going to be exhausting.


	22. SubPlot: Obito is Not a Happy Camper

Uchiha Obito, known by a select few as Uchiha Madara, and everyone else as Tobi, was not a happy camper. He was currently chilling in the Mizukage's office, reading through a stack of papers. His puppet, the Three Tails' Jinchuriki, Yagura, was off to the side, blankly staring at a wall. The one who taught Obito while he was dead, the real Uchiha Madara, had been revived before Obito could even attempt to ask that damn "Pein" to revive the older Uchiha for him. That was the plan they corralated. Use the **Rinne Tensei** to revive Madara, so they could implement the Moon's Eye Plan.

A plan that, when Obito thought more on it, kind of seemed like something only someone on some really trippy drugs would think of. He scoffed. Madara had been barely kept alive by his stupid machine, and he was over a hundred years old. Damn bastard had probably been senile for a while. He chuckled at the thought of Uchiha Madara being senile. A knock came to the door.

"Mizukage-sama? We got the records you ordered." A woman's voice floated through the door. Obito nodded to his puppet, and melded into the shadows. The woman came into the room, placed the rather large folder onto the desk, and stalked out. He had called for any and all records on Uzumaki Naruto, just to make sure that the brat had used **Edo Tensei** to revive three of the most powerful shinobi in the world, and Konoha was not just bluffing. He flipped open the folder, and, right on the first page, was a Bingo Book entry for Naruto. The first few sentences in said Bingo Book entry was,

_**Current master and summoner of Uchiha Madara, Senju Hashirama, and Senju Tobirama. Jinchuriki. Flee on sight. High A-rank, possible S-rank.**_

Obito chuckled. The kid wasn't even thirteen and he already had a possible S-rank out on his head. And a flee on sight. He closed the folder up, and activated the **Kamui** technique. He had some rather interesting news to tell Pein...


	23. Hashirama's Headaches Kill People

Hashirama stumbled out of one of Tazuna's guest bedrooms later that day, only to sense that no one else was there. Well, he could sense that Naruto was still passed out in the living room, but he couldn't sense Madara or Kakashi or his brother or either of the two other Genin. He frowned, and started on his way into the kitchen. The front door being smashed in made him turn. Two thugs with swords stood in the doorway. Hashirama rubbed his temples. The two thugs started ranting about kidnapping Tazuna's daughter, causing Hashirama to have a headache.

"Please, you two stupid thugs, shut the hell up." Hashirama growled. "I have a headache." The thugs, without even turning to see who he was, said,

"How about no, now go die you son of a-" They turned, and froze mid speech. Hashirama had to admit that he must look pretty intimidating. Hair not brushed, eyes set in a venomous glare, and killing intent leaking all over the place. "Y-Y-Y-You! The First Hokage, S-Senju Hashirama!?" Hashirama rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm Uchiha Madara. Who the hell do you think I am?" Naruto chose that moment to sleepily walk into the living room.

"Hashirama-jii-san, why're you making so much noise so early in the morning?" Hashirama looked to the clock.

"Naruto-kun, it's three in the afternoon." Naruto made a confused face, not even noticing the two shaking thugs in the destroyed doorway. One of them whimpered, bringing Hashirama's attention back to them. He sighed. "Oh yes, I forgot about you." Naruto looked to the thugs, then to Hashirama, before walking into the kitchen. He honestly looked as though he couldn't care. One of the thugs raised his hands in surrender.

"P-Please, spare us!" Hashirama glared.

"Why?"

"We didn't know you would be here!" The former Hokage raised a brow.

"I'm pretty sure that creepy Zabuza or whatever his name was had battled us himself. How is he, anyways?" The thugs looked to each other.

"G-Good?" Hashirama smiled slightly.

"Ah, that's nice. Now..." His smile turned feral. "You son of a bitches made my headache worse. Let me tell you now, I do not like headaches all that much." The thugs started crying as he stalked towards them.

"P-Please, we didn't mean to!" Hashirama just continued.

"Goodbye gentlemen."

* * *

Hashirama smiled contently as he walked into the kitchen fifteen minutes later. Naruto looked up from the cup of instant ramen he was eating.

"Hey Hashirama-jii-san. Where are those two men?" Hashirama just patted the blond on the head, and snatched one of the many other full instant ramen cups on the table.

"They went home. They were just travelling salesmen." Naruto nodded. Hashirama looked towards Tazuna's daughter. "You, maiden, where are the others?"

"They went to the bridge, to battle the..." She grabbed a piece of paper from behind her. "...the creepy cow-print parachute pants ninja man guy dude." Hashirama nodded.

"Well, Naruto-kun, hurry up with your meal. They should be almost done by the time we get there."


	24. The Not-so-Final Battle

**A/N: Almost 200 reviews! Damn this is getting pretty popular.**

* * *

Madara frowned as he leaned on the half-completed railing of the bridge. He, Tobirama, and Kakashi had made some Shadow Clones to help with construction. And by him, Tobirama, and Kakashi, he just meant Tobirama and Kakashi. He was an Uchiha. They didn't really do the whole 'work' thing. That as something he had drilled into Sasuke's head, the other Uchiha soaking up the info. Madara looked around. Was it just him, or was the mist surrounding them getting thicker?

"Head's up, he's here!" He heard Kakashi shout, and he smirked. That fail of a ninja had actually returned!

"Come out, come out, wherever you are~" Madara purred, activating his Sharingan. Zabuza complied, and lowered the thickened mist. He held up his hands in surrender.

"Don't kill us!" Zabuza pleaded, and his companion looked at him confused.

"Zabuza-sama, what are you doing?"

"Haku, don't argue and look over there." The cow-print pants ninja pointed at Madara.

"Uchiha Madara?!" Madara rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm Senju Hashirama. Of course I'm bloody fucking Uchiha Madara!" As Haku was about to respond, a chuckle came from inside the mist.

"Well, well, well. Momochi Zabuza, reduced to begging for his life. Not much of a demon, I say." A very, very short man said, as he stood, surrounded by hundreds of bandits. Zabuza looked at Madara.

"I'll let you kill every single one of those people if you let me and Haku go. Alive." Madara weighed his options. On one hand, he could just kill them all, Zabuza and his fruity companion included, and on the other, he could just kill a bunch of bandits and release some tension. He contemplated for a while longer, before smirking. The chase for the ex-Mist nin would be so much more fun.

"Alright... but if we cross paths again I will do my best to take you and your fruity companion out." Zabuza nodded roughly, grabbed Haku, and got the hell out of the area, just as Madara's Sharingan shifted into his Eternal. He smirked, and his** Susano'o **started to form. "Now... let's dance!"

* * *

What happened next could only be decribed as a blood bath. Madara went wild and pretty much destroyed everything in sight. Tobirama only sighed and ushered the two Genin, all the civilians, Tazuna, and Kakashi away from the bridge. About half an hour later, his brother jumped down in front of them, Naruto under one of his arms. Hashirama dropped Naruto to the ground, and looked around.

"Where's Madara?" Tobirama pointed to the bridge.

"Over there." Hashirama grinned, flashed his brother a thumbs-up, and dashed off. Tobirama sighed again, and sat back against a tree. The battle shouldn't last much longer...

* * *

He was right. About five minutes later, both Hashirama and Madara dropped down into the clearing. The only thing that showed that they were just part of a battle was that Madara had a spot of blood on his forehead, and Hashirama had a small cut on his chin. Tobirama stared at them for a few seconds, before saying,

"You did clean up, right?" The two shrugged.

"Kind of."


	25. Just in Time for the Chunin Exams!

Kakashi felt like sobbing happily as they walked into Konoha a week later. He immediately set course to report to the Hokage, while his team, Tobirama, and the two demon-spawns went off to Ichiraku's Ramen shop.

* * *

Kakashi entered Hiruzen's office a few minutes later. Hiruzen stared at him in slight surprise.

"Oh, you're still alive." Kakashi glared.

"Yes, I am. Madara is still trying to kill me though." Hiruzen nodded.

"Well, report." Kakashi started describing exactly what happened on the mission. Every now and then, Hiruzen twitched and muttered under his breath.

"...and then Madara and Hashirama left a huge bloody mess on the bridge. They then forced my Genin and Tobirama to clean it up. And then we came home. The end." Hiruzen rubbed his forehead and sighed.

"So your simple C-Rank escort mission turned into a high A-Rank."

"Yep." Hiruzen groaned. He grabbed a bright red stamp off his desk, and stamped a big A on the mission scroll. He then dug through the papers on his desk and pulled out six permission slips.

"Give the white ones to your Genin and the green ones to Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama." Kakashi nodded and accepted the outstretched papers.

"And these are for...?" Hiruzen smirked.

"You guys made it back in time for the Chunin Exams." Kakashi froze. The Chunin Exams. If Naruto were to pass this time around, he wouldn't have to see those damn demon-spawns and Tobirama as much! Kakashi slowly grinned under his mask.

"Thank you so much Hokage-sama!" He said, before he disappeared out the window. Hiruzen rolled his eyes and pulled and orange book out of one of the drawers. He giggled and started reading.

* * *

Kakashi found his team and the three Geezers at a little red bridge. He jumped down from the roof he was on and waved happily.

"Kaka-sensei! You're early! It's the end of the world!" Naruto shouted, pointing at him. Kakashi chuckled.

"That's because I have something important for you guys." He handed out the permission slips.

"What are these 'Chunin Exams' exactly?" Madara asked glaring at the green paper in his hands.

"The Chunin Exams are a special test, where Genin compete and try to kill each other to go up in rank. Going up in rank-" He started, seeing the still confused looks. "-means gaining more responsibility and you're not restricted to a team snd you get to go on harder missions." They all nodded. Kakashi placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. Said blond blinked up at him.

"Kaka-sensei?"

"Naruto, it is very important that you do your best to pass this exam. Remember to look underneath the underneath. Do not choke yourself up." Naruto nodded and grinned.

"Don't worry sensei! I'll pass this exam with flying colours dattebayo! Believe it!" Kakashi shivered. Why did that 'dattebayo' sound so familiar?

"Good Naruto. Now bye bye! Oh, one piece of advice!" Kakashi eye smiled. "Don't die!" With that, he poofed away. Tobirama raised a brow.

"How about we sign this. Then we'll teach you to water walk."


	26. Naruto's Entourage and Morino Ibiki

Naruto stared up at the doors to the Academy. Was it just him, or were they somehow larger than what he remembers? He shrugged and turned to his entourage. His entourage consisting of his team, Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama.

"So... wanna go in?" He asked, and he got a few nods in return. He grinned and they all started in.

* * *

After bypassing a rather stupidly placed genjutsu, they all stood in front of the proper exam room. Kakashi appeared in front of them with a happy smile.

"Good to see you all here. Now, Naruto, remember to try your damnedest to pass. Or else I'll have to kill you." He smiled wider, and disappeared. Naruto shivered, nodded his head vigourously, and threw open the doors. He grinned into the room.

"Yosh! Let's do this guys!" Tobirama looked around the room at all the Genin inside. He smirked.

"It's good to see my exam idea has come to fruition." Naruto blinked.

"What does fruition mean?" Naruto asked loudly, ignoring all the stares he got. Madara sighed, and slapped the blond on the back of his head.

"It doesn't mean anything important. Now, let's find a spot to sit." Everyone nodded, and made their way over to an empty desk.

* * *

It was not even ten minutes later that Sasuke was tackled to the ground by a purple wearing blonde.

"Sasuke-kun! I missed you!" The blonde squealed, hugging the now glaring Sasuke tighter.

"Hey! Ino-pig! Let go of my Sasuke-kun!" Sakura shouted, pointing dramatically at Ino, who just stuck her tongue out.

"No!" The two girls glared each other down. Madara muttered under his breath about fangirls. The rest of Ino's team strode up.

"You guys made it too, huh? What a drag." Shikamaru said, nodding to Team 7. He then noticed the rest of Naruto's entourage.

"Hey Shikamaru, Chouji!" Naruto waved and grinned.

"Naruto... why is Uchiha Madara and Senju Hashirama and Tobirama standing behind you?" Naruto grinned.

"They're a part of my entourage."

"Naruto-kun, do you even know what an entourage is?" Hashirama asked, raising a brow. Naruto blinked.

"Nope! Not at all!" He laughed while Madara rolled his eyes and mutter,

"Can't believe he's that stupid."

* * *

After being introduced to another team, nerdy looking Genin approached them.

"Hello guys, my name is-" Madara cut him off.

"Yeah, no one cares nerd-boy. Go away." He waved dismissively. Hashirama glared.

"Madara be nice!" Madara scoffed.

"I couldn't be nice to save my life. It's against my morals."

"What morals?" Madara smirked.

"Exactly." Hashirama rolled his eyes. A giant plume of smoke came from the front of the room. It cleared to show the exam proctor and a lot of Chunin.

"Sit he hell down! Who said you could chat and make friends! I sure as hell didn't!" The proctor shouted, and everyone, aside from Team 7 and the three old timers, sat down. The proctor glared at them. "I am Morino Ibiki, the proctor of the first exam! You six!" He gestured to them. "Are going to sit right at the front of the room. You three-" He looked at Madara, Hashirama, and Tobirama. "-are going to stand by the doors. Can't have you helping the poor Genin." The three looked at each other, and moved towards the door. Ibiki nodded and turned to address the room. "Now, I will explain the first exam!"


	27. Little Orange Pr0n Books and Anko

**A/N: Longest chapter to date~ :D**

* * *

"100 Ryo."

"200."

"150." Madara smirked and nodded.

"Alright. HEY NARUTO!" He shouted, and said blond looked up.

"What!"

"The answer to question eight is seven!" Naruto blinked and looked down at the mentioned questioned.

"But-"

"It's really the answer Naruto-kun! Just write it down!" Naruto nodded slowly, and put the number down.

"How is the number seven the answer to a cryptogram?" He muttered to himself, as he flipped his paper over. Ibiki, from his spot at the front of the room, glared at Madara. That glare worsened as he saw Hashirama fork over some ryo. He vaguely noted Tobirama had put his face in his hands and was shaking his head.

* * *

"500." Ibiki heard Madara mutter, about a half hour before the exam finished. Hashirama shook his head.

"450."

"475 and I'll even show it to him." Madara said with a smirk, as Hashirama nodded and forked over some more money. Ibiki raised a brow slightly. What were they talking and betting about this time? Madara took a few moments to count out the money, before he turned to the group of Genin. The Uchiha's eyes immediately zoned in on the only other Uchiha in the room. "Oi, Sasuke!" Sasuke groaned, and glared at the older Uchiha.

"What the hell do you want!" Madara tsked.

"Language, Sasuke-kun. I just wanted to tell you something. It's very important, and every Uchiha needs to know about it." Sasuke raised a brow.

"Oh really now?" Madara smirked.

"Yes." He purred, before he flung something small and orange at the boy. It landed with a small thud on the desk. It turned out to be a book. "Turn to page 147 and look at the picture." Sasuke gave him a suspicious glare, but started to flip through the book. As soon as his eyes landed on the picture, Sasuke shrieked and threw the book at Madara.

"WAS THAT MY MOTHER?!" Madara chuckled.

"No, but a damn close representation, huh?" Sasuke banged his hands on the table.

"WHO THE HELL WROTE THAT BOOK! I'LL KILL THE BASTARD!" Ibiki, who had wandered closer to the three revived shinobi, bent down and picked up the book.

"UCHIHA! CALM DOWN OR YOU'RE EXPELLED!" He shouted, before he examined the book. "Icha Icha Paradise Two? Where did you two get this?" He asked, glaring at Madara and Hashirama. They smirked at each other.

"Hatake-san." Ibiki restrained himself from rolling his eyes.

"Well, if there are no more interruptions, I'm pleased to announce that you all made it to the final question. Now, this question could mean your life. You can quit now and save yourself any trouble." Ibiki smirked at all the Genin who started to quit.

* * *

"SHUT UP YOU BIG MEANIE!" He heard someone shout at him after about ten minutes, and he turned to see that Naruto kid standing and glaring at him. It was also then that he realized that both Madara and Hashirama had somehow made their way over to the blond, and were whispering things into his ears. "You can't scare me away! I won't ever back down from you! You don't scare me!" The blond took a deep breath. "I don't care if I'm a Genin for the rest of my life, I'll still be Hokage some day!" He shouted, ending with a dramatic point at Ibiki. Hashirama pulled Naruto into a bone-crushing hug, cooing over the blond's fury and current embarrassment. Ibiki opened his mouth to respond, when a black ball of fabric burst through the window. That ball of fabric unrolled itself, and was pinned to the wall with kunai. Ibiki sighed, and stepped back, as a purple haired woman jumped into the room.

"The super sexy but still unfortunately single Mitarashi Anko! I'll be your proctor for the second exam!" Anko shouted and grinned.

"Hey, you won't be single for long baby!" Hashirama cat-called, while Madara whistled appreciatively and Tobirama just checked her out. Ibiki sighed again, walked towards her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You're early Anko." Anko froze, and flushed in embarrassment.

"Dammit, this is the sixth time this week!"


End file.
